Parenting

Dear Daughter…

by Surbhi Rastogi

Dear Daughter,

As you turn five soon, my thoughts turn to the day you were born. Time has just flown by. Just yesterday, your didi was five when you were born and here you are – a little-big girl now.

Being my second born, I never could give as much singular attention to you as I could to your didi. The first child gets it all – the pampering, the scolding, the worries – all of it. By the time you came along, I knew the game. Or so I thought.

We were experienced parents. We had seen it all – the fevers, the flus, the scratches on the elbow. Why then do I still feel as anxious when you cough at the midnight? I know it will pass right? Why do I worry still if I kept you warm enough? It’s not like your didi ever froze with cold.

Guess second time parenting is not less worrying – it’s just different worrying. Worrying whether I am spending enough time, worrying whether I am being biased ever, worrying whether I might make the same mistakes I made with didi…..

I have definitely enjoyed you growing up more. I had done it once, so I knew I wouldn’t do a complete botched-up job this time around. That gave me a few liberties. I have taken you few times lesser to the park, I have narrated fewer stories to you. I don’t jump every time you cry (your dad and I differ here- he thinks I still do!)

When you are mischievous, it makes me want to indulge you some more. After all, you will grow up too soon.

Just some small bits of friendly musings – coz parents don’t really advise now you know. We are all friends. We are all too cool to be parents!

Play a little more in the sun, I love the way your cheeks turn tomato red when you do. Mobile, I-pad and TV can wait. I know you love them and can swipe left – right and centre faster than Momma can, but still. Running with wind in your hair is surely more fun.

Talk to the trees and the flowers – don’t bother if someone thinks you are crazy. They listen, you know. And they love you right back. Start with the sapling you get on your birthday. See it grow with you.

Make shapes out of clouds. I know you have far more interesting (and expensive!) toys in your room, but this can be one endless game. Ma spent many an evening doing just that and nothing more. There is a different happiness is doing just nothing sometimes.

Enjoy your puris as much as you love your pasta and pizza. I know, I know, it doesn’t seem as much fun or cool but try. Trust me, you will crave for them one day when you to the land of burger and fries.

Make your own loony characters – the stick figures you make of your family are way more precious than any of Disney princesses. And I know you love those too! Pssttt… I love them too!

Be silly, do crazy stuff, laugh till your stomach hurts. Sometimes I will laugh with you, sometimes I will roll my eyes. But trust me, there will always be a smile on my face at the end of the day after putting you to bed.

Wonder at that bright thing in the sky called Moon. And yes, it does follow our car everywhere we go. Coz you are his favourite child. Always believe that.

Do all this, and I promise to let you be. I will not send you from one class to the other in order to make you the perfect child. I will not ask you to recite poems or stories or dance in front of the guests. I will still embarrass you by being the mom who claps the loudest when you come on stage on your annual day (be very glad I cannot whistle!) I will also be the mom who cries in class when they light a diya on your birthday.

I will be all this, and try my best to be more. I am older and bit lethargic but the love is nowhere lesser.

Always remember this my angel.

Love You,

Ma

“The Children’s Day blog train is hosted by www.prernawahi.com and www.vartikasdiary.com”. 

 

51 thoughts on “Dear Daughter…”

  1. Aww last year when I delivered my second born I wanted to say so much to him but wasn’t finding right words. You have given words to my and many other mother’s thoughts words. Loved your post.

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  2. Loved it Surbhi and agree with each and every points you had shared..indeed childhood is most beautiful and golden phase of life and kids should get a chance to enjoy it upto fullest. love the ending of your post, where you had said that you will not be a part of rat race ( by sending her to one class to other..), this is one of the most important thing that we as a parent need to understand. each child is unique and have their unique set of skills. as a parent it is more important to encourage them rather then forcing them to perform or compete.

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  3. Your post will resonate with all moms. Enjoying the simple and silly things in life can bring joy which most expensive and fancy things cannot and you have written that so well. Loved the post. 🙂

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  4. yes, yes…first time parenting experience is always special. Second inning gives us many opportunities to enjoy parenthood without being worried about “if I am doing the right thing feeling” but along with that the guilt of “if I am giving equal time to my second child as I have given to first one” also comes into picture. Motherhood is so surprising and fulfilling that no matter how bumpy, unpredictable the road is we always enjoy it.

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  6. Awwww. I couldn’t say much on second time parenting, but soon will be able to as I am due with my second one. Before reading this I was seriously worried how will I handle it all over again, but you gave me quite a dose of relief. Thank you so much for this-Mittali

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  7. u summed up parenting 2 kids so beautifully. I never trusted my mom when she says that having the 2nd child was as tough as the 1st one, just that the challenges were different. Every expression is so vivid, every event is so relatable and every emotion is so raw and true to the heart. Your pen always comes out to produce gems and this is one of the best on parenting that i have read so far. More power to your pen Surbhi.

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  10. Wow that’s a lovely post, I had similar feelings with my second baby, as 2 kids are not same so is parenting. My elder one was naughty and I met a calmer 2nd & for me it was a surprise. Be it 1st or 2nd your post says a lot that let them enjoy even the smallest of things in life be it sunshine or finding images in clouds. I loved the line of love pooris as much as pasta, in my case my kiddo enjoys poori more than pasta…..but a lovely post which says let kids have fun & let them do all they want to do.

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  11. I have one child and assumed for long that 2nd time parenting must be a cakewalk. Well, that was until I saw my cousins worrying “differently” for 2nd round. Just like you said Surbhi.

    I love your words of advice for your girl, join nature and live instead of thumbing screens. Your daughter would surely understand the world better when she talks and loves tress around, run with the wind in her hair and free-spirited. Loved the letter.

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  12. Tahts a heartfelt letter . Completely agree with you , now with the second one coming in fee months this post is like an eye-opener on what I should be expecting to deal with.
    What ever comes up m.hoping to take them light and hopefully enjoy each and every moment.
    #thatmadrasmomreads

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  15. A balanced letter from an ‘experienced’ mom;)
    Hahaha… when second child comes in our lives, we promise not to repeat the silly mistakes we did with the elder one. But caring and loving don’t come at terms.

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  16. When my son born i wannt to tell him a lot but shortage of time & words never allowed me. You scripted down all the words into this blog. A true emotions of many mom’s. Beautifully narrated writup

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  18. So so beautifully penned Surbhi.. I can vouch that you girls are lucky to have such an amazing mommy as you. Such sensible advice you have given. Loved the playing in sun, cloud watching and panipuris part the most.

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  19. So agree with you second parenting is like giving the examination with known question paper , but with double energy and patience. Your post had said everything about the challenges I am facing with my second baby. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful post.

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  20. Oh my god surbhi, i felt as if i was reading a letter i would have written to my girls. Having two daughters, i completely echo your thoughts, taking the younger one a little less to the park, reading a little less stories and so on. I am definitely going to show it to my girls.

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